If you dont mind, I'd like another please

We're just a few hunger-pained hours away from what is really the apex of the sporting world's year: Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog-Eating Contest. The author has been craving some more Joey Chestnut in his life something fierce.

Last year's epic battle featured Chestnut narrowly edging out the legendary Kobayashi by downing 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Sixty-six!

Sport or freak show, these 12 minutes are arguably the most uniquely intriguing span of programming that any network offers. At it's worst it's a bad "Fear Factor" segment. At it's best a testament to the human spirit.

In addition to contestants stuffing their faces with the quintessential American ballpark treat, there's the over-the-top, sensational play-by-play provided by George Shea. Today's rematch between the American champion and the Tsunami from the far East is using the tagline: "This time it's personal." Histrionics be damned.

What could possibly be more personal than a contest where two people from different ends of the earth viciously cram meat-like tubes and soggy, starch-rich buns down their throat as they hold back vomit with all their might?

The author has been a mild fan of competitive eating ever since "The Glutton Bowl" aired on FOX. All you need to know is that the producers pit a grizzly bear against Kobayshi. Man defeated beast in that epic contest, although if they bear had known he was in an actual competition the results may have been much different.

Say this is stupid. Maybe it is. But on the day we celebrate our nation's independence, know that this hot-dog eating contest is who we are. Reality television rules the air waves. Our nation is fat. We love to blow things out of proportion. This is real. This is gluttony. This..is..American.