This feature will give you three must-clicks from the Sun-Times each morning. It will also take, on average, four minutes to write.
What a day to be alive! The author has often felt guilty that he's just not paying enough sales tax, so imagine the tremendous weight lifted of his conscience when he read this.
Luckily, the powers that be have already pegged the man who's going to cure all that ails this town of ours. Dont' worry about the ladies, Derrick. Cheating ain't what it used to be.
Alleged future S.P. contributor K.A. successfully avoids color puns for a full 615 words.
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