Solzhenitsyn and stolen bases

We may be mostly concerned with fun and games here at Sports Pros(e), but we are writers after all.

As such, we would be remiss if we did not note the death over the weekend of Alexander Solzhenitsyn, a Nobel Prize-winning author of novels and non-fiction works that exposed the moral bankruptcy of the Soviet state.

Solzhenitsyn's name comes up in any discussion of the giants of 20th century literature. But that is not our concern here; rather, his passing gives us a reason (or an excuse, take your pick) to recall a great bit done years ago by the former ESPNer Roy Firestone.

The premise was that all minor league baseball announcers sound pretty much the same and neither they, their employers nor their listeners realize how surreal their patter can be.

So that's the setup: Firestone's announcer is calling just another game on a night when there's a perhaps not well-conceived promotion and a celebrity visitor in the booth:

"Welcome back, folks. Just a reminder that it's Hard Liquor and Handgun Night here at the ballpark ...

"Fastball low, 1-0.

"And we've got a special guest with us ...

"Curveball, swung on and missed, evens the count at 1-and-1.

"Alexander Solzhenitsyn ...

"There's a grounder up the middle, it gets through for a base hit."

"So Alex, congrats on your new book ...

"There's a throw over to first, the runner's back in time."

"Which I was looking through during the break ...

"Fastball, just caught the outside corner, 0-and-1.

"Yes, folks, it's called 'Gulag Archipelago.' And, if you don't mind my saying so, Alex, it's pretty grim stuff."

"Changeup way outside, 1-and-1."

And so on.

The routine predates YouTube, unfortunately, so we can't link to it in all its glory. But it was funny, trust us.

Maybe not Nobel Prize-winning comedic, but good enough to make us Sports Pros(e)rs laugh. And we are a tough crowd.